WOW, what a year of intense ups and downs for my family. From the summer of 2017, until today, I can tell you this year + has been the most challenging for me to date. What I can tell you is that I weathered the storms, and 2018 ended with a MASSIVE BANG!!!!!! Let’s just say you can call me a mini celebrity now, I’ll take autographs and photos later …..
Summer of 2017, I had to have my first surgery, to see if I had that scary word, “cancer”, to say I was terrified was an understatement, all I could think about was my kids, at the time 18 months and 4 years old. The very next month my husband became ill, and was struggling, all the while, after multiple testings/biopsies and various medical conclusions, I had “advanced-precancerous cells” two different kinds. Who knew that was even a thing, pre-cancer. I was advised to immediately have a hysterectomy within a few weeks. It was terrifying, whilst my husband’s condition was worsening, there was a lot of tears, and a lot of pulling up my socks to get through the day, my job, and be there for my family, especially my kids who needed me emotionally and physically. I also continued to co-operate Simply Green Mums, the website, FB group and our blog about buying nothing new!!! Life was stressful and I’m a person who needs a plan and a prepared outcome. With this surgery, my husband’s health declining and life in general, work, young kids, jobs, bills, my full life was becoming overwhelming!
I had my second surgery December 19, 2017, one week before Christmas, and I was internally devastated. Did I want it gone to decrease my chances of getting cancer, hell yes! Did I not want to worry if the bad cells were growing after every test, hell YES! But, my choice to ever have a child again was gone, the fear that my hormones will be destroyed was there, the fear of not being a woman was there, the fear of surgery was there (and the many complications), the embarrassment and shame was there. I was heartbroken, but I knew it was the right decision for my two precious boys, who need me here, now. Who need me present and strong, not always worried and cautious that cancer was growing. So, I let out a lot of cries before bed, and worked super hard to be positive. One bonus was the hospital was brand new and I had a gorgeous room over the water, free TV, a quiet night with morphine, and I got to SLEEP IN, a complete luxury! Right moms?? (there is always a silver lining).
I thought things were getting better to only realize, my husband’s illness had become extremely worse, with very little medical help and direction, the stress and anxieties of not being able to help him were excruciating!!! With this situation, it left me to work very hard for my family, my husband took a leave from his self employment to recover and I was the sole income provider and main household manager. The pressure to do it all at times was difficult, but I somehow always managed to make it work, and get the bills paid. I always tried my damn best to have a smile on my face.
To round the year off, things had finally settled down health wise for my spouse and I, but then we got the news that our oldest child was having absence seizures. My heart was crushed, what did that mean, again, not knowing the outcome of this issue for my child is beyond upsetting. He has approximately 6 seizures every 30 mins. He was diagnosed with Epilepsy, and it can go either way for him, better or worse. He’s my good eater too, eats all his veg, proteins and fats! He literally has always picked a carrot over a candy (although he’ll eat the candy later, ha!). My boy though, is healthy, happy and hitting his milestones and then some, so now that i've been to Mac hospital and his paediatrician a few times, I have more peace with this and can do nothing but monitor the situation.
With all three health situations, a very tight financial budget and stress like no other, I got a text message from Nina about being on the Marilyn Denis show for a makeover….. To say I was shocked was an understatement. The first thing that worried me was missing work, I had already missed a lot of time for two surgeries, and other complications, the last thing I needed was for my employer to be annoyed. Luckily we worked it out and I said YES! Then, sheer panic and anxiety set in, “I HAVE TO TALK ON NATIONAL TELEVISION”.... OMG, what did I do….. Luckily I didn't have a lot of time to stew on this, I was told Thursday, and they were at my parents house filming interviews by Wednesday (insert red face here).
Nina, one of my best friends, that I have known since grade school, and is my Simply Green Mum partner in fighting green crime (as you already know!), knew my year long struggles and nominated me (sneaky bugger). She is beyond caring, thoughtful and kind, words will never be enough to thank her for what she has done for me. Not just the show, but in life, she pushes me to be better, she helps me see that I needed time for myself too, to be a better wife and mom. My long struggle was keeping me at home and I was not taking care of myself because of my difficult work load. Now I see that I have to do both, self care, love my family, and work hard too! But the show, oh the show…The experience was once in a lifetime, it brought such fear, excitement, along with bubbling happiness, sometimes you have to DO THINGS THAT SCARE YOU, to push forward. If this experience was brought to me 10 years ago, I would have said no. At this point though, I needed this….. This was difficult to write, and I even hesitated sharing. Now I am going to sound like an MTV ad, but… if you or anyone you know hasn’t had their regular pap test, or yearly physical, please GO or encourage your loved ones to go, it’s easy, fast, and can save your life.
Stay tuned for next week to hear about the actual show :)